The Shrinking Soul

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Looking at the infinite space above my head,

I stood there petrified, asking for a shed.

I begged for sympathy when it became relentless,

The hardest lesson of my life left me heartless.

Hard to see them indulging in such violence,

Whom I have always adored now disappoint.

Involuntary action I made showed no sign of repentance,

Because the call of the hour seemed more appropriate.

Watching them fight and fight without any reason,

Over the trivial issue that had least importance.

The time where all the hard works were to blossom,

They left me alone forcing me to question my conscience.

I was helpless then and pondering over them now haunts,

Those sleepless nights I successfully passed,

Forced me to think about life being occupied by ugly chants,

And I was left only with the love they once shared.

Was it me responsible for all the filthy expressions?

Have to accept, learnt nothing but dirty aggressions.

What I received as a small boy is inexplicable,

While seeking the truth then, was unquestionable.



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This one is not going to start with “once upon a time” because when I recall time at that very place, I always find what I am supposed to, as if that period has never really ended. It all began in the summer of 2012, I remember carrying a bag to the music circle, as curious as a little kid wanting to discover the infinite possibilities that life has to offer, so naive for someone who was just at the edge of hitting adolescence. Music Circle happened to be the center of all the extreme experiences that came along with all other physical and psychological experiences that we felt together. I don’t know it’s about the name of that place being ironic or melancholic that we struggled in every aspect except for the beauty of that place until we stopped visiting it. And I am sure it’s horribly ironic and ridiculous about the beauty of that place too. Of course the things look beautiful when you have no other choice to choose from. It looked like a place where maybe some bad omens have put some spell or something which continued to hunt even today too. For a place to be situated on the heart of one of the largest colony of Asia it seems like an understatement but again that is exactly why anyone would give it a name like that unless there is nothing ironic about it. People say that it’s a musical school but we never heard a single note, not when we visited. And out of all this we went there to study mathematics. What do you call a place which is not circular but a square plot and you consciously say it is a circle irrespective of the mathematics class. Ain’t it sounds ridiculous?  Now anyone could question about the illogical place with illogical activities. Well probably that’s what keeps me going there every time I visit my hometown.

This time it was different as I took my Turbo-drive with me, it was the bicycle that kept me in motion throughout my school life when there weren’t any change in the mind-sets of typical orthodox parents to allow a bike at least before completing school. So when it comes to take an emotional ride it is better to bring your old friend with you for it would walk along with the pace that you know you always wanted to move. Never would I have imagined that I would travel down the same path but with different optimism in the near future that too on my bicycle. I remember sitting behind my friend hopeless when he took a wrong turn across the ring road which would have been the end of us unless the truck driver had applied the brakes at the right time and it took me awhile to exactly track the place. The best thing about a bicycle ride is you get enough time to look back and present as if it is a motion picture moving as slowly as it possibly could. While driving through the narrow lanes I felt that the place has changed but not the people, they continue doing whatever they have been doing from an eternity probably. Riding through the small hill it was not that difficult to find the music circle. Now it does look a little shabby but the building was just what I have imagined it to be. Though the surroundings have changed a lot also the people and then where would we find something that doesn’t change with time. Be it the people or place. But the name of the school has changed. They call it some arts school now but again I remembered this is a place where some of the weirdest things have happened then why on earth they cannot even make it an art school?  200% positive that they can, I wish I could meet the person who is in charge and just ask a polite why? I know what the answer would possibly be, but it cannot be as paradoxical as his “The Music Circle” or may be who knows, he would have changed with time too.



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16 YEARS, It might sound clichéd but as far as my little experience goes, this place has never been the same ever since I left. I don’t know but there was something special about this place which is missing now, maybe the people who lived then had made all the difference. Not that People don’t stay here anymore but people change and so do their surroundings, some leave and some take their place but nothing stops.

Hoping for a nostalgic goodbye again was never in the subconscious until I moved through the contours of the city which had etched some unforgettable and tender memories. The thing about memories is that they do come back. No matter how we try to hide those somewhere in a foreign world, they thrive on past and always makes us sensitive and vulnerable even with a slight hint of something that we know we have souvenired a long ago and lost somewhere in the wild cacophony of this loud world.

Sitting on the back seat of a sedan and dozing off is not an odd thing especially when the clouds are just about to come down with soothing music in the background but then a smell, not exactly a smell but an emotion just struck me. It has to be that place I remembered but again I knew I was coming to the same place. It never made me feel like this until my olfactory organ sensed something so familiar and pure that it was very hard for my stubborn brain to understand what was happening outside or was it within my own self. There was a sense of calmness in the air and I don’t know but I felt complete at that instant. As if I lost control over my motor nerves and my involuntary muscles took over my conscience. My eyes just lit up and searched for something which I had always admired as a child. This time everything was clear, a memory had returned. I could see lush green plantation of Eucalyptus on the left side and a guard post of the same yellowish hue as I had always seen it while cycling through on the way to school accompanied by my elder sister. All these years I had been to different places but i had never discovered another.The smell is peculiar and so close to my heart that it was unknown to me until this day and I feel ecstatic knowing that I remember.

“The first time” is always special and there are so many of them hidden in the sand of this land that I cannot keep a count of the memories I had made until I visit and rediscover the moments of past now in the future, as a child me would have dreamed. Slowly when I was starting to feel the pulse of nostalgia hitting me I discovered the land was gone. There was none left amidst the concrete forests with all the designs but no signs of the land where I learned to play, to run, to ride. They say life is nothing but a memory which ultimately vanishes as we die because memories get erased after that.

Some people are present and living as if they were, but deep down they too know that nothing before or after will remain same, not until the world is moving and we are living. I think this might be one of the reasons that the non-living could hold memories for quite a long time as compared to us humans.


One Night

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I saw myself one Wednesday night,

When I took a pill for a lifetime.

That I would never be the same again,

And it was how my life ever going to be.

I hoped to be someone untill then,

Never it ever crossed my mind

That it was severe than a cyclonic storm.

To take me away so far and further,

Into the darkness of an unavoidable abyss

From where I could possibly return,

But the consequences to follow was unfathomable.

So I stayed and stayed long enough,

To not like tracing my own foot back

From somehow a familiar hell

Into the hell which I left suffocated again.

I saw myself one Wednesday night,

When I took a pill for a lifetime.

That I would never be the same again,

And it was how my life ever going to be.



And whamp!!!! 

While the door beside the bed kept ajar, he enters with soft paws in a motif to steal away the precious souvenirs one can ever acquire. Ironically the man inside who lie on his bed, was rich in good old fond memories, which nobody can ever conquer, the happiness of being with the loved ones is what one crave for in the dreams or what we call happy ending. Though thinking or delving in those sweet memories doesn’t last as much as one would like to live.

He was dumbstruck watching all the mess around the room or what one can say “nothing found of that sort which would create a mess”. Suddenly the idea struck him at the back head “The act of burglary is a sin “.He continues to ponder on this very subtle change of thought from within and silently examining the old man’s behaviour lying there all smiling with a pretty face as the world belongs to him.

This forced the poor fellow to decipher the very reason for happiness. What is it? How it can be with such a person who supposed to have nothing materialistic to live on or someone to take care of him .One side he stood trying to steal for a living and on other side is a person full of happiness with actually nothing to care about but himself, his wellbeing and of course the bread and butter which is everyone’s need. (Lightning flashes)

Hey, young man “you seemed to be in confusion!” I guess. (Replied the old man).I could make out what you have been through all these times and what you might be thinking. Everything changes in this world, everyone who was close to me then left or I can say “they had been stolen from me by the almighty” .But that god doesn’t understand they all live inside my small heart and those shall continue to live as long as I have a memory .I believe as long as I am alive here they too live alongside me.

Boy, you look young, you can do wonders, please give up the wrong deeds, for the sake of those who love you from the core of their heart .This world is a beautiful place full of opportunities and you are born here to make this world a more beautiful one .Happiness is not that is always sought in materialistic things .Those small moments or the good deeds or the will power to succeed for loved ones is the ultimate happiness one can seek .Go discover the infinite opportunities that this beautiful creation provide.Remember ultimate success is being identified by your own personality .Even your parents shall feel proud to have given the identity of their son’s name. Till then carry your hard work no matter what work you choose .And even if you accomplish do not stop continuing to explore this beautiful gift of nature .Always allure its beauty no matter where you live, what you do or who you are.

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